


Spirit Cards Against Humanity

by zupeiza



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F, Korrasami - Freeform, Korrasami Month 2018, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 06:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16805341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zupeiza/pseuds/zupeiza
Summary: It's time for the Avatar to avert yet another spirit-human world crisis, and the spirits want to play their own game.





	Spirit Cards Against Humanity

**Author's Note:**

> So... here goes nothing! This is my first attempt to writing a fanfic, and it's not even in my mother tongue, so please have mercy! :) Just a bit of background: this fanfic is set post-Turf Wars comics.

«YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE, HUMAN»

Everything was perfect until then. Korra laying down on the grass of the new spirit's portal park, her head on Asami's lap, blue skies, birds chirping and kids playing in the background. Korra sighed and closed her eyes. Why was it impossible to spend a quiet afternoon with her girlfriend, just chilling as any regular couple would?

The Avatar opened her eyes again, and saw Asami looking to her right where the spirit's voice originated. She got up with a jump, dusted off her clothes, and began walking towards the growing tumult of floating spirits and... children? 

«Give him his doll back, now!» Meelo was shouting to an octopus-shaped spirit, three times his size because of course, Meelo was not afraid of anything. Behind the young airbender, a toddler was sniffling with his face covered in tears. The spirit had a small Nuktuk doll trapped in its tentacles, and his aura was getting darker every second.

«What's going on, Meelo? Honourable spirit» Korra bowed to the spirit, by now she knew flattery was the easiest way to make spirits happy -at least the rowdiest ones.

Meelo's frown dissolved momentarily when he saw Korra. «Korra!!!» with the Avatar on his side, Meelo started to explain the situation with a cocky grin «This bad, BAD spirit took his Nuktuk away. They were playing movers, and they weren't causing any trouble, Korra, I swear!»

Asami crouched and cleaned the kid's teary face with a handkerchief. The boy stopped sniffing and gave her a shy smile. Korra could sense the anger on her girlfriend, but she was familiar with how sensitive the spirits were, and how easily things got out of hand with their disagreements.

«Honourable spirit, what was your reason to... Hum... Interrupt these kids game?»

«YOU CALL THAT A GAME, AVATAR?» The spirit's deep voice made the little boy start crying again, this time hugging Asami for comfort. Asami looked to Korra, heartbroken.

«Sure it was a game, these are just children, they were reenacting a mov...» if she had to explain to these spirits what a mover was, this was going to take longer than she wanted «You are holding a doll, which is a little human made out of cloth that children use to pretend they are heroes, or... families... or... don't you have games in the spirit world? You know, to have fun...»

«OF COURSE WE HAVE GAMES, AVATAR, BUT OUR GAMES DO NOT INTERFERE WITH SPIRITS SLEEP WITH SHRILL CRIES»

The octopus statement was followed by a set of nods and agreeing expressions from the rest of the spirit's. Korra rolled her eyes. It was obvious to her that the spirits were exaggerating, she had been in the park and the children games were not trouble at all.

«Okay, how about this, we play a more quiet game, Pai Sho,and if we win, you give back the doll and let the children play in peace.»

«AND IF YOU LOSE YOU LEAVE THIS PORTAL FOREVER»

«NO WAY!» Meelo's angry face was too close to the spirit's reach. Korra put herself between the airbender and the spirit's tumult.

«If we lose... We will set up a perimeter where children games are not allowed.» Asami frowned, not happy with the offer, but Korra shrugged, she couldn't think of a good way out at that moment, and besides, Asami was the best Pai Sho player she knew, there was no way they could beat her.

The spirits pondered the Avatar's offer, discussing it between mumbles, throwing inquisitive glances towards the Avatar and the Future Industries CEO, and when they got a final decision, the octopus spirit turned back to the humans, a smirk on its face.

«WE AGREE ON YOUR TERMS, AVATAR» Korra exhaled, relieved, when the spirit continued «BUT WE DECIDE THE GAME.»

Korra raised a brow, inquisitively, she looked at Asami, and back to the spirit, and gulped. «What game?

«IT IS CALLED CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY» A small snail-looking spirit sniggered behind the spirits' spokesman «A CARD GAME WHERE WITS ARE AWARDED.»

Korra was dubious, she was good in a fight, but she had to admit she wasn't the wittiest person.

«Tell me more about this game, how many players do we need?»

«WE CAN BEGIN WITH EIGHT PLAYERS» the spirit produced a deck of cards, half deck white and half deck black «EACH PLAYER STARTS WITH TEN WHITE CARDS. WE PLAY A BLACK CARD EACH TURN WHICH CONTAINS HALF A SENTENCE, AND EACH PLAYER DRAWS A WHITE CARD TO COMPLETE IT. THE MOST HUMOROUS SENTENCE ACCORDING TO ALL PLAYERS WINS»

«What's going on here?» A raspy voice behind them inquired. Korra turned and saw Kya and Lin (a strange couple to find in the park, but she would ask questions later), and quickly explained the situation to both. At least they were four adults now, although what was humorous for the spirits was something unclear, to say the least.

Korra looked to her group, to the little boy green sad eyes, and to Meelo, that appeared to be losing faith on a quick Avatar win.

«We agree! Bring it on!» Korra exclaimed, with a burst of confidence. Kya, Lin and Asami exchanged hesitant glances.

The octopus spirit, snail-spirit, a half-fox, half-rabbit spirit and a floating-humming cloud spirit took a step forward. The four women sat in front of them. The fox-rabbit spirit shuffled cards and each player drew ten cards. The octopus spirit took the upper card on the black cards deck and turned it to everyone's view.

«"When I am billionaire, I shall raise a 50 foot statue to commemorate..."» Korra read aloud, blushing remembering the statue her girlfriend commissioned in Avatar Park

«"How pretty my girlfriend is"» Kya and Lin scoffed in whispers, Asami turned red and the spirit's searched frantically among their cards, looking for their response.

«YOU MUST SELECT ONE OF YOUR CARDS AND LEAVE IT UNTURNED IN THE CENTER. WE SHALL READ THEM AND VOTE ANONYMOUSLY AFTERWARDS.»

All players selected one card and put them in a pile. The Avatar read them one by one.

«"Former President Raiko"» the Avatar rolled her eyes, while the cloudy spirit jumped excitedly, probably proud of its of response  
«"Racism"» - Korra raised a brow muttering «"Really?»  
«"The gays"» the four women avoided each other gazes. The fox-rabbit spirit required quietly clarification from the snail-spirit, and nodded after the explanation of its meaning.  
«"MechaKuvira"» the Avatar eyed the octopus spirit, convinced this was his answer.  
«"My collection of high-tech sex toys"» Lin looked mortified, while Kya showed a shit-eating grin. Asami just avoided Korra's eyes.  
«"Fear itself"» Korra looked puzzled. In which world were these kind of answers funny? Spirit world, probably...  
«"Tentacle porn"» Lin groaned at her side, muttering something about being too old for this...  
«"Puppies!"» she tried to hide this one was her own answer.

«NOW YOU POINT THE CARD YOU FIND MORE HUMOROUS»

The four spirits pointed one card each, probably their own. The four women looked each other and, as if they had shared the same thought, pointed "The gays". They laughed out loud, not believing their mind wave. 

«VERY WELL, WHO DREW THIS CARD?» the spirits looked nervous.

Lin raised shyly her hand. Kya hugged her, and all the humans - kids included - cheered. The spirits were enraged.

«BEST ONE OF THREE!» He roared. Asami held Korra's arm. It had been easy so far, but could the four of them repeat it? 

«Very well... Let's see...» She read the next black card - «"What's my secret power?"»

All players searched among their cards. They drew their solution card and put them in the middle pile. Korra began reading the cards.

«"Opposable thumbs"» the spirits growled at the mention of such feature.  
«"Spectacular abs"» the Avatar wiggled her eyebrows to her girlfriend, who rolled her eyes in response.  
«"Not wearing pants"» the spirits laughed, Korra noticed indeed none of them wore pants.  
«"Sweet, sweet vengeance"... Okay, that's dark.»  
«"A cooler full of organs"... Even darker» Asami looked worried to the octopus spirit. Somehow he looked like he could have that kind of cooler and find it funny.  
«"My sex life"» Korra regretted reading it aloud, Lin glared Kya squealing. Meelo fully opened her eyes, open-mouthed.  
«"Ethnic cleansing"» boy, these spirits were ruthless...  
«"The female orgasm"» Korra whispered half covering her mouth so the children would not hear.

«THIS TIME WE WILL POINT THE CARDS AT THE COUNT OF THREE: ONE, TWO, THREE»

This time the vote was more divided. Kya and Asami pointed "The female orgasm" - followed by an appreciative look from the waterbender towards the engineer; Korra and Lin had pointed "Spectacular abs". The four spirits had pointed the "No wearing pants card". 

«That’s my card! Heeeehehehe» The fox-rabbit spirit was thrilled with his victory.»

The kids groaned in despair, the little kid wanted to know what an orgasm was, the spirits made a growling sound that could be interpreted as a laugh, and the four women looked beat. Korra gulped, they had lost their advantage and now it was their last chance to win.

«Okay, this is the time of truth...» she drew the last black card and read «"A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without..."»

The group searched their cards, in silence, concentrated. One by one the players drew their cards and put them gravely in the central pile. Korra closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again. Then she began revealing the cards content.

«"Third base"... I agree... » Asami sniggered, covering her mouth. Korra resumed her lecture.  
«"Authentic Fire Nation cuisine"...  
«"Edible underpants"... » Korra began to recognise Kya's style so she looked at her. The waterbender was making attempts to keep her face straight.  
«"Man meat"? » all humans grimaced in disgust. The spirits looked undaunted.  
«"Ostrich horse meat"» Ugh, these spirits were nasty.  
«"Flesh eating bacteria"» Yep, nasty indeed  
«"A tribe of warrior women"» okay, that was a lighter note, no doubt coming from her human peers.  
«"Saying I love you"»

She read the last card and looked at Asami, without realising that at the same time, Kya and Lin were doing the same. The spirits group seemed lost in thought, thinking on their favourite meal.

«Okay, let's do this.- Korra held Asami's hand for reassurance - One, two and three!»

Luckily, the "man meat" card was deserted, the fox-bunny revealed his preference towards ostrich horse meat, while the other three pointed - surprisingly enough - the "Authentic Fire Nation cuisine". The spirits looked confident on their victory, until they saw the four women were pointing the last card: "Saying I love you"

«Aaand… that was my card» grinned the Avatar.

The spirits howled in defeat, and began retreating to the spirit portal. Meelo cheered rolling in an airball with a huge grin in his face. Korra stood up, grabbed the Nuktuk doll from the octopus-spirit tentacles, who grumpily collected their cards before disappearing. The Avatar bowed to the spirits and returned the doll to the now smiling little boy. She scrubbed his hair and helped her girlfriend up. Lin bent the earth beneath herself and Kya to stand up. The four of them hugged each other, relieved to have avoided a new human-spirits crisis, and made their goodbyes.

«You know, it's true» Asami commented distractedly.  
«What is?» Korra looked at her in puzzlement  
«I'll show you afterwards,» Asami flipped her hair back and asked her girlfriend with a loving smile «would you like to have a candlelit romantic dinner?»

**Author's Note:**

> There goes my first contribution to a Korrasami Month, I hope you enjoyed it! Of course, comments and kudos (also edits and suggestions) are more than welcome! :D
> 
> PS: Believe it or not, all the cards used in the fanfic are actually in the original "Cards Against Humanity" game (I only adapted them a bit to mention names of the Avatar universe).


End file.
